THE THEORY OF EVERYTHING™
Dark Philosophy
Greetings, philosophers!
What a challenging week we’ve had, with new account suspension, visibility blockers, and the usual censorship regime. It is harder now to accidentally stumble over the works of Dr. Pattberg than getting into Harvard. Substack in particular came down hard on us, restricted our posts so that nobody else but us can see them (-97%), and capped our subscriber count at below 2.8k (from 146k).
Our cyber security team has identified three publications that caused some serious shadowban:
-> Shove Your Democracy Up Your Ass - With an Essay on the Transformation of Germany
-> Press Soldiers - How Western Journalists Subvert and Destabilize China
-> The Human Farm - Biopolitics & Mindcontrol
[Surprised it wasn’t The Fourth Reich or the Empire of the Jews? Well, those only caused a ruckus in US-occupied Germany.]
So, I was contemplating… I had this “theory about global censorship and the world rulers…” but then dismissed it as a work of wonders but also fancied how helpful it could be for our readers if we’d laid down—for the Dark Philosophy project—once and for all the mechanism behind ‘The Theory of Everything™’, and how intellectual grandiosity drives some many unsuspecting authors into utter madness [not me, obviously, cough cough...].
Without further ado, let’s get started with the craziest authors and their timeless gobbledygook:
The ‘Theory of Everything™’ refers to the writings of some authors who suffer from intellectual hubris or a desire for legacy, or simply from a mental illness, and announce to the world a single universal, all-encompassing theory that explains why they are so smart and the rest of us is so gullible.
For the sake of distribution, we divide the ‘theorists™’ into three categories: the experts on nothing or “Public intellectuals,” the self-studied crackpots or “Pseudoscientists,” and the professional telemarketers or “Charlatans,” for lack of a better headline.
Public Intellectuals
The grandiose “super scholars,” who hasn’t heard of them? Not satisfied with one universal degree, they attended three, four, five, six schools, and became multi-dimensional, degree-eating megalomaniacs, far overshooting their qualifications and becoming the literal experts of the universe™. The premise is almost comical: In the beginning, there was a spark, a bang, an idea… one theory to explain it all! [Although “one author to explain it all” would be more to their liking]:
